[More] Poems

By Jamie Agnello

For our “City Issue,” Jamie is back with three more of her celebrated poems (inspired by the character of Chuck Bass on “Gossip Girl”). What’s more New York City than Upper West Side-Prep-School inspired poetry? You can find more of these linguistic gems at  http://ilikedyoubetterbefore.tumblr.com/ 

Bad News

Look, anyone who trades in

their trust fund for a fanny pack

flies in the face of all that is

holy to Chuck Bass.

If it cost more than 10 grand,

it earns a proper name.

Everyone out there wants to be us.

We are what you aspire to.

You’re gonna tell me that the life

of a YouTube filmmaker

is better than this?

There is no outside world

that I do not show you.

Stop talking.

Start partying.

I’m Chuck Bass.

The Handmaiden’s Tale

Welcome to the Upper East Side.

Little Jenny Humphrey manages

to get my pants off—

and have me not enjoy it.

Quite the accomplishment.

Well, hello, angel.

Beautiful…and mean?

I’ve got chills.

Care to dance with the poor devil?

You’re getting warmer,

which is an achievement

because you’re already hot.

If I was your man,

I wouldn’t need clues to find you.

I’m Chuck Bass.


Alfonso made me an omelet.

I may have washed it down

with a Bellini or two.

Your position in my esteem

has been replaced by your voicemail.

Victory party. Here. Tomorrow.

I’ll send a car.

A burlesque club:

a respectable place

where people can

let loose.

Pure escape.

You’re ten times hotter

than any of those girls.

Why don’t you get up there?

This is the perfect thing.

I’ve been waiting for this.

What happens at Victrola

stays at Victrola.

I’m Chuck Bass.

{Chuck Bass photo courtesy via Giovanni Rufino/The CW}

{Ed Westwick and Taylor Momsen photo courtesy of tengossip via splashnews}

{Victor/Victrola photo courtesy via The CW}

[I liked you better before]: poems

By Jamie Agnello

For our pop-cultural issue, Jamie let us use two of her celebrated poems (inspired by the character of Chuck Bass on “Gossip Girl”).

You can find more of these linguistic gems at  http://ilikedyoubetterbefore.tumblr.com/

I Liked You Better Before

Have a glass of champagne. Please. We’re closing the kitchen early.

You think I don’t know why you left town?

It’s a party. Things happen.

I think you’re more like me than you’d admit.

There’s something wrong with that level of perfection.

Dating forever. That’s a dark thought.

Look. Easy, Socrates— happiness does not seem to be on the menu,

but you’re entitled to tap that ass.Let’s catch up, take our clothes off, stare at each other—

I’m Chuck Bass.

Your Deflowering

That’s enough, ladies— I’ll be sure to tell my father how committed you are to the hospitality industry.

Unless you have a reason to be here, I’ll have to ask you to wait on the curb with the rest of the trash.

So, you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend— I kind of admire you for it.

I told you— better a broken nose than a broken heart.

So little time, so many sluts to defend.

Here’s the key

to my suite, his heart, and your future happiness. I’m honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.

I’m Chuck Bass.

{Jamie is a current MFA student in Poetry and Theatre at Sarah Lawrence. She is originally from Oil City, Pennsylvania. It is a real place. Jamie keeps it real.}